Charries and Canons



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 Posted June 2nd, 2012 02:42 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
((Sorry, it's kind of long...))



Ignoring the complaints from people I didn't know, I flipped my long, shimmering, brown hair and kept texting one of my employees. Avery never listened to me properly, so now I had to text-yell at him for ordering 500 products intead of 500 GROSS products. He was kind of an idiot. Most people under my employment were.

The annoying people were insisting. Finally finished with my text, I threw it in my lap and glared at the prissy-looking woman in front of me. "Do you have any idea who I am?" I shouted. Why was she wearing a suit? She should have at least worn a skirt with that. Unless she was a girly-looking man with long hair, in which case I should probably not call her/him by any sort of gender-specific name. "My name is Penelope Shields! I run a machine company! I have other things to do than sit around and chat happily with a bunch of bratty kids while aliens attack New York City, or whatever's going on."

My phone vibrated in my lap. I picked it up and looked at the message. I could hear Avery's voice as I read, whining at me about how I shouldn't be so hard on him. "I have to deal with idiots who order the completely wrong thing for the completely wrong amount, when said people SHOULD be making sure everything's being built correctly. It's not like the targets are going to sit around waiting for me to deal with the suckers who obviously have IQs of less than zero." I almost said the name of the targets instead of the phrase "the targets", but caught myself just in time. No need to get these freaks angry at me too early.

"Penelope..."

That's as far as he/she got before I jumped out of my padded seat. "You don't know me, honey, so don't call me that!" I snapped, glaring in his/her face.

He/she sighed. "Fine. Just sit down." I did so, not without an attitude, though. I could have yelled at him/her some more, but I was already fifteen minutes late for the so-called "important" meeting about the end of the world. What was worse, I couldn't even tell this weirdo's gender by their voice. His/her name was probably Alex or something. "Miss Shields, first off, you can't call them bratty kids. Just because they're younger than you..."

"I'm eighteen! How old are THEY, twelve?"

"They range from fifteen to sixteen, actually. And there are others who are much older..."

"I don't care. Just keep going."

She-man glared at me with icy blue eyes. It was that creepy blue, too. Ew. "Second, aliens aren't attacking New York City."

"Los Angeles, then. It's always one of the two. Look, I'm already late as it is. Can't you just put me in there and Samuel L. Jackson can fill me in on everything? I wanna meet these super-twerps. They sound interesting." I rose and followed a different person - this one was definitely a man, and a handsome one too - to the meeting room, pulling out my phone once more in the process. "See, if I could just figure out how to get their pretty little genes - not the clothes jeans, the genetic genes - into my soldiers, I would have a LOT less work to do. Maybe you could get me a blood sample from one of them? Or maybe I could get one myself, from one of the annoying ones. You know, you're really quiet. How come you aren't saying anything? Oh!" I laughed. "It's 'cause I'm talking too much, sorry. I do that a lot. I'm used to not listening to people and just giving orders."

He opened the door and stepped back to let me in. I didn't bother to thank him, only thought the phrase 'Hot hot hot hot hot hot' as I brushed past him and smelled something yummy. Oh wait - that was him.

"Don't worry guys, I'm here now!" I announced, flopping into a comfortable rolly-chair. "You can continue."

The hot man in a suit closed the door behind him and sat in the only other empty seat - the one next to me. Inwardly I found this a huge triumph. "Who's this?" I asked no one in particular, gesturing at him. "He doesn't say much."

Everyone ignored me and looked back at the head of the round table. Ouch. I certainly wasn't used to that. "Okay, that's cool," I muttered, tapping my thumb on the arm of my chair.

"Introductions will have to come later," said the only man standing. He was obviously the leader. Very dark, no hair, and a steely gaze. Also the only one standing and everyone was looking at him. All signs of the leader of an important organization. Which was this, now that I was here. 'The party don't start 'till I walk in' is pretty much the phrase that describes me. Except that I don't party. Can't, really, because I live at work since the only family I have hates me. What can I say? I'm just that charming.

The man was about to continue, but I didn't care. I wanted to know exactly who I was dealing with. "Please? Just real quick. Everyone say your names and your favorite color."

The leader sighed and crossed his arms. I assumed that meant he was giving up. "Great!" I stood and cleared my throat. "My name is Penelope Shields, I direct a company full of idiots, and I'm a genius." I sat down with a grin, leaned against the back of my chair, and waited patiently for the others to follow suit.
  
Tyeler
Huggies, Seth, Nightrhode

Posts: 8743
Registered: Sep 2008
 Posted June 3rd, 2012 10:19 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Hmmm...
I'm a little torn here...

On the positive side, you did a wonderful job of making me really get a grasp of the character. You gave her a lot of... texture, I guess is the correct word. She's very noticeable and unique, so I would be able to tell her dialogue apart from any other character's quite easily. You also gave me a good little glimpse of her background.

On the negative side, you didn't really give me enough of everything going on around her. Yes, you mentioned products, mistakes and targets, but that wasn't exactly enough to go on. You did a wonderful job of letting me get a good view of the character and her perspective, but not enough of her surroundings and goings-on around her.

This can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it, either you leave out enough to the point that people continue to read in hopes to learn more, or you end up leaving too much out and make people lose interest... As I said, I'm really torn and can't quite make my decision yet... I'll wait to hear what the other judges have to say before I make my final decision, but I have to say it does seem like an interesting idea.

Adopt one today!
   
Adam LeGhostie
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 Posted June 3rd, 2012 10:57 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Penelope...This isn't my song...
-takes sigh-
but...


-shrugs-
-smiles-

Cee Lo.. you're so tough, man! What..dude..
-pouts-

Anyways, hey darlin'. I like the badassery of Penelope. I'm not the biggest fan of the Avengers, not gonna lie, but I love the idea of them. I do know that the organization is SHIELD, right? Penelope's last name is Shields, so I thought that detail was kinda cute, and made me think that she was the founder or (guessing by her age) the descendent of the founder?

Anyways, secondly, I personally like adding comedy to RPs. I found that it gives them a certain lightness, and a few times you had me kinda smiling, and I liked it.

And finally, I know I'm taking up a lot of space with this, you had a first person POV. I found that you went through with that character 100% in dialogue AND with description.

So, I'd like to see more. And I know this is kinda crazy, and I just met you, but...join my team, maybe?

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Blake The Corners
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 Posted June 4th, 2012 10:30 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
While I enjoyed this starter
It's not really the kind of plot I would work with
I'm going to have to pass on this one
Great job though and good luck
   
Dragonite
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 12:56 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Yay, I'm accepted!

I kind of tend to stick to typical plots. I kind of like them.

Thank you Blake and Cee Lo for the feedback, I'll keep that in mind for the next time. :3

Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party. Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this bless YOU. Peace off. Outtro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness!{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}
   
Blake The Corners
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:08 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Damn it
Damn it
Oh man
-throws hands up into the air-
Adam LeGhostie wasn't supposes to get you
This messes up my whole plan
(Edited by winnbair)
   
Adam LeGhostie
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:12 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
YES!
-stands up and hugs-
I can officially add you to my list...
-flings head back to look at the rest and twirls around in chair-
You'll be sorry, guys! My team.. slammin'.
-nods-

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Dragonite
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:14 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
*gasp* I just got hugged by Adam LeGhostie. ;u; *aside* This is the greatest day of my life...
Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party. Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this bless YOU. Peace off. Outtro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness!{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}
   
Adam LeGhostie
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:32 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
-shrugs casually-
-grins-
Aw, darlin'!
I'm not fallin' in love.. I'm not fallin' love..
-takes a breath-
Call me, maybe?

((I'm jealous of you stealing the attention of my own character.. Yeah, that's totally normal. xD))

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Dragonite
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:36 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
I don't even care that you called me a nickname....... I just need your number. *grin*
Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party. Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this bless YOU. Peace off. Outtro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness!{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}
   
Adam LeGhostie
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 01:47 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Tell me everything's going to be allllrighttttt..
-starts dancing with-

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Dragonite
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Posts: 278
Registered: Dec 2011
 Posted June 5th, 2012 03:22 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
As long as you don't piss me off... Everything will be perfect! <3
*steps on toes* Oops... I've never been good at dancing. I'm too white for this!

Ain't no party like a Pewdiepie party. Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this bless YOU. Peace off. Outtro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness!{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}
   
Adam LeGhostie
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 07:34 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
-grabs your shoulders before spinning you off-
This isn't dancing.. I'm allergic to dancing.. No, we're just moving awkwardly around to fill in time, that's all.
-nods-

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Tyeler
Huggies, Seth, Nightrhode

Posts: 8743
Registered: Sep 2008
 Posted June 5th, 2012 09:31 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Someone has to be the critical one, Adam.
And I think the most stylin' one is the perfect one for the job.

*Smirks, wearing my signature pink satin PJ's*

Adopt one today!
   
Adam LeGhostie
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Posts: 283
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 Posted June 5th, 2012 09:53 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
-puts his hands on his hips with a dramatic breath-
-breaks out in chuckles-
-falls into a bow-
You got me.
-throws hands in the air-
I can't argue with that, Cee Lo.. How's my fashion, anyways?
-spins around slowly to show off the black denim jeans and heavy knit-sweater-

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   
Tyeler
Huggies, Seth, Nightrhode

Posts: 8743
Registered: Sep 2008
 Posted June 7th, 2012 09:27 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
................ Meh.
Cee-lo's only pulling your leg. Very nice.

Adopt one today!
   
Adam LeGhostie
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Posts: 283
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 Posted June 9th, 2012 12:38 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
-laughs-
-shrugs-
I'm comfortable enough in my fashion repertoire to know I'm good, but thanks, man. Appreciate it.
You going to get a clothing line started soon?

{gen: Semi-SeriousPlus}{Gend: Female_or_Male}
   



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