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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
 Posted May 19th, 2009 09:47 AM IP   
I once gave a c-store clerk a two dollar bill in Detroit and he called the armed security over to show him my counterfeit bill. The guard looked at the bill - looked at the clerk and asked, "This bill looks fine." The clerk shot back - "No one makes two dollar bills." The guard said, "You're an idiot, take the man's money." The clerk said no way. The guard goes in the back and get's the owner, the owner comes out and fires the guy, takes my money and then say's to the guard, "Huh, there isn't a tray to put this bill in?" The guard looks at me and says, "Wow, good thing you didn't have a Susan B on you!" Shook his head and walked back to his post.
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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Cornbread
Vice-Poobah
Posts: 4095
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 19th, 2009 02:29 PM IP
I just wonder how much blow has gone through my bills!
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 19th, 2009 07:17 PM IP
‘Missing link’ primate likely to stir debate
Scientists announce 47 million-year-old find amid media hoopla.
Looks like they found Govs's Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-Great Grandmother.
"Hoochie Mamma"
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Champ
Senior
Posts: 1574
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 19th, 2009 09:34 PM IP
Looks like she was a great piece of tail! 
2011 MHF Cup Winner
THE CHAMP IS HERE!
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 19th, 2009 10:15 PM IP
Quote:
Champ wrote:
Looks like she was a great piece of tail!
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pretty liberal with your compliments, which Govs will appreciate
If Govs stays on his diet, that could be him in a few years.
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 20th, 2009 10:53 PM IP
The onion is always solid 
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 22nd, 2009 09:53 AM IP
I find this disturbing yet really funny at the same time....
For some reason I cannot get the .gif to save to the image area.
(Edited by Govs93)
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 22nd, 2009 12:49 PM IP
FOND DU LAC, Wis. (AP) -- Police continue a fruitless search for a man wearing an ape costume who has attempted to steal foam banana displays from inside local gas stations. Capt. Steve Klein said Thursday someone donning an ape costume entered two gas stations Wednesday trying to steal the displays and police have received several calls about the suspect hanging around town.
While Klein acknowledges that the action may seem funny, they want to talk to the person behind the ape suit because they aren't sure what the suspect's motives are.
Buwahahahahaha!
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 22nd, 2009 02:41 PM IP
I'm not sure if he's guarding Hill's recruiting list or not but this is crazy stuff!
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 26th, 2009 04:46 PM IP
Quote:
CNT wrote:
" Dear God. This year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer... Amen!"
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Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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Neutron 14
Imperial Grand Poobah
Posts: 7202
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 26th, 2009 08:16 PM IP
Quote:
CNT wrote:
" Dear God. This year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer... Amen!"
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And the men in Dmoms...
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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Dmom
All-State
Posts: 2792
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 26th, 2009 08:27 PM IP
Who me??
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CNT
Crown Royal
Posts: 7658
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 27th, 2009 07:52 AM IP
In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with His family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his Family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe's legs and slammed him against the railing several times, breaking every bone in his body and killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullsh*t stories.
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 27th, 2009 11:36 AM IP
The Golden Years............
"Hoochie Mamma"
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 27th, 2009 04:44 PM IP
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day,every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Moisha Goldstein," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"It's like talking to a brick wall."
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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Champ
Senior
Posts: 1574
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 27th, 2009 07:12 PM IP
2011 MHF Cup Winner
THE CHAMP IS HERE!
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Cornbread
Vice-Poobah
Posts: 4095
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 28th, 2009 12:00 AM IP
I believe in a two party system! One on Friday & one on Saturday!
:IS&BFF: :bon:   
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted May 28th, 2009 08:12 AM IP
Quote:
Cornbread wrote:
I believe in a two party system! One on Friday & one on Saturday!
:IS&BFF: :bon:
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The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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Neutron 14
Imperial Grand Poobah
Posts: 7202
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 2nd, 2009 11:55 AM IP
What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little OGEE mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W- L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with OGEE mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull**** and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top !
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 2nd, 2009 12:09 PM IP
And that boys and girls ends todays math lesson.
"Hoochie Mamma"
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 2nd, 2009 12:53 PM IP
BS always gives 103%
CNT 118%
"Hoochie Mamma"
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Stan Ignitowski
Freshman
Posts: 159
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 3rd, 2009 10:11 AM IP
History 101
For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. Girly men,This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the Democratic Party to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided..
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, railroaders, corporate executives, athletes, members of
the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
Alex Rieger: Why'd you change your name to Ignatowski?
"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Try saying it backwards.
Bobby Wheeler: Ix-wah-tangy.
"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: That's nowhere near Starchild, is it?
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 4th, 2009 11:31 AM IP
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is Govs home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No, come in."
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Neut says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Neut a nice long look. Neut thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
A while later Govs arrives home and his wife says "You know, your friend Neut came over."
Govs thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
"Hoochie Mamma"
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Indians Forever
Junior
Posts: 1154
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted June 5th, 2009 10:46 AM IP
A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to
A tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes thru the swingin' doors, he sees a sign hanging over the
Bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole'
Biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive
Female bartender serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?'
The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he
Whispers,
"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes", "Yes,
I sure am".
The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
"Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".
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OGEE OGELTHORPE
Poobah
Posts: 7326
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 5th, 2009 11:01 AM IP
Good one Chief!
"Hoochie Mamma"
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puck bag
Sophomore
Posts: 671
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted June 9th, 2009 11:41 AM IP
The dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
'I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!'
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you
something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
The PUCK at the bottom of the bag
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MinnesotaHockeyForums.com :: Everything Else :: The Lodge :: Just for fun - The Sequel
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