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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
 Posted December 8th, 2009 11:34 AM IP   
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (your choice: gold, silver, reposado, anejo)
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 9th, 2009 02:19 PM IP
Really?
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 9th, 2009 02:37 PM IP
???????
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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Indians Forever
Junior
Posts: 1154
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted December 9th, 2009 03:03 PM IP
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds
before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
...........................................................
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's
Answer :
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior..
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
.......................................................................
Republican's
Answer:
BANG!
..............................................................
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
Winchester Silver Tips or Gold Dot Hollow Points?'
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist.
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 9th, 2009 03:27 PM IP
Quote:
CNT wrote:
That's what they called him when he was younger now it's just tomASS
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The mechanic at my dad's gas station did call that.
I was a more a bush and hedge man back in college
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 9th, 2009 03:31 PM IP
Quote:
Indians Forever wrote:
Republican's
Answer:
BANG!
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Correct, why waste bullets when there are so many of them and it only takes one good shot to kill him.
though the redneck way was a riot 
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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Dmom
All-State
Posts: 2792
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 10th, 2009 10:53 AM IP
Quote:
tomASS wrote:
Correct, why waste bullets when there are so many of them and it only takes one good shot to kill him.
though the redneck way was a riot
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I must be a redneck democrat because I am sure I have uttered the sentence, "You are not taking that to a taxidermist" a few times in my life.
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Neutron 14
Imperial Grand Poobah
Posts: 7180
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 14th, 2009 08:11 AM IP
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 14th, 2009 10:11 PM IP
A young couple wanted to join the church. The pastor told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month. The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month." the young man replied sadly..
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower."The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain."
"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible ...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts."
"One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat." admitted the man, shamefacedly.
The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church."
"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot either
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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tomASS
Bored Troll
Posts: 11184
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 16th, 2009 02:22 PM IP
Flamer in Fergus was depressed last night so he called Lifeline.
He Got a call center in Pakistan
He told them that he was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if he could drive a truck.
Why didn't we think of that
Clueless in Carver County
YNWA
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 16th, 2009 03:48 PM IP
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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Indians Forever
Junior
Posts: 1154
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 10:18 AM IP
These Cookies are Awesome!!! I tried this at home last night.
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo
again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure
the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a
drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the
Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make
sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas
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Govs93
Class A's #1 Fan!
Posts: 7885
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 10:26 AM IP
They sound ok, IF, but I already tried TA's recipe and it'll be hard to beat. 
Quote:
tomASS wrote:
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila (your choice: gold, silver, reposado, anejo)
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !
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What's up with that?
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Indians Forever
Junior
Posts: 1154
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 10:39 AM IP
Quote:
Govs93 wrote:
They sound ok, IF, but I already tried TA's recipe and it'll be hard to beat.
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Just realized he stole my thunder if I had any....
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Cornbread
Vice-Poobah
Posts: 4094
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 03:47 PM IP
Hey where did the pic of Air Force one go?
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Govs93
Class A's #1 Fan!
Posts: 7885
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 03:47 PM IP
It may surprise you to learn that I have no idea.
What's up with that?
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 03:49 PM IP
Big Brother is watching?
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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Govs93
Class A's #1 Fan!
Posts: 7885
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 03:50 PM IP
I didn't care for it, but I didn't take it down.
What's up with that?
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 03:52 PM IP
Quote:
Govs93 wrote:
I didn't care for it, but I didn't take it down.
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I'm Irish too but wasn't referring to you as my big brother
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 04:02 PM IP
Quote:
CNT wrote:
I didn't shoot it down either!
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Any admins in law enforcement?
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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Neutron 14
Imperial Grand Poobah
Posts: 7180
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 17th, 2009 05:39 PM IP
Quote:
BIAFP wrote:
Any admins in law enforcement?
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If it was him, Corn would have been "Flamered"...
Blame me for saving Corns bored existence.
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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BIAFP
Legend
Posts: 3553
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 18th, 2009 09:19 AM IP
Top Ten Country Song Titles
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5.. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
2011 MHF Biggest Rack contest winner - sorry Dmom
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Indians Forever
Junior
Posts: 1154
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted December 18th, 2009 09:34 AM IP
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost
had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not
to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box "
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to
the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that.You
didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to
you, that's the same as putting it in!"
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Neutron 14
Imperial Grand Poobah
Posts: 7180
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 18th, 2009 11:44 AM IP
Quote:
BIAFP wrote:
Top Ten Country Song Titles
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#5 and #10 are my favorites!
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
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Dmom
All-State
Posts: 2792
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 18th, 2009 11:58 AM IP
Quote:
Neutron 14 wrote:
#5 and #10 are my favorites!
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...and you'll be shocked to hear that #1 is my #1, hahahahhahahha
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EREmpireStrikesBack
The Man
Posts: 2145
Registered: Nov 2008 |
Posted December 18th, 2009 01:02 PM IP
Quote:
Cornbread wrote:
Hey where did the pic of Air Force one go?
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Elk River AA State Champions- 2001 Boys & 2004 Girls
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