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janedi
Bookworm

Posts: 1087
Registered: Jun 2009
 Posted April 16th, 2012 09:01 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
How do you prepare your toddler for a new baby? Pretty sure my 16 month old has no clue what's really happening...although she does pat my belly and say "Baby!"

I guess I'm wondering what I can do to make it easier for her once the baby is actually here?
I was thinking some new-to-her toys might be a good idea. Any other suggestions?

Also, I know that a lot of kids misbehave, etc. when the new baby arrives because it's such a huge adjustment for them. Obviously, you still need to be consistent...but do you change how you respond, knowing that it's a very stressful time for them?

So...I hope I don't really need any of this advice...some kids hardly notice the change, right? Ha!

-Janelle
Joe's wife and mom to Katie (11.26.10) and Jill (06.15.12)
   
cretorakline
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Posts: 921
Registered: Mar 2007
 Posted April 16th, 2012 09:27 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Actually none of ours have had those adjustments yet you are referring to. So take heart! Maybe yours won't either. I'm not really sure why, but we've had 5 now becoming an older sibling and at different ages. (14mo to 2 yrs 7 mo) of course the 14 mo old was still a baby IMO, and the 2 1/2 yr old was very independent and acted older than normal and of course you have personalities thrown in the mix too, so all that makes a difference. I can't really tell you how we've avoided the adjusting period or if ours are just odd-because we've never had to really work through anything. I know that we try to prep them to let others take care of them the last 2 months prior to DD. like in church, Charlie will also always hold the youngest one. (this makes being with mom a real treat after the baby's born! Sometimes we swap the toddler for the baby during the service). Also I have always had them potty trained before baby- no pressure on you! As each child is ready in his/her own time. I just don't 'do' diapers very well and one diaper child is more than enough for me. By even regardless of those 2 things, they are also allowed to be with me n the baby as much as they want. I try to never tell them they have to leave. Of course they all have to learn how to 'pet' the baby gently and ect. That's normal. I try to give them lots of little things to do so they feel important-hold the baby's shirt, get a diaper ect. Of course here are time for privacy, and you'll have to implement that too. I remember with our first 2 I'd only be able to take a shower when I knew the toddler was sleeping. Otherwise it wasn't safe to leave her with an infant outside the door. I also made sure I could shower in 5 min and if someone stopped in (depending who it was) id ask them if they could just stay for 5 min so I could get a shower. Inhink thatnis when instarted usrling my crockpot a lot id get a break during day, or even early morning amd put soem food in to self cook And sometimes my friends would be coming through town and call to see if I needed anything. it was hard to get used to accepting help but it sure made some things a lot easier! Anyway that is a rabbit trail and I reall don't think I sad anything very useful/new-just remembering how things used to be. Take heart, it gets a lot easier as they grow up!!
Blessed mama to Cali-13, Charles-11, Bryce-10, Braden-8, Jamon-5, Asher-3, Joash-11/2. Cherished wife for 12 amazing years.
   
eldmon2008
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Posts: 2204
Registered: Jun 2009
 Posted April 16th, 2012 10:09 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
You sound so much like me . Ours are 26 months apart and I was so, so worried about her adjustments. There wasn't really any, but I don't know that it means we did anything right! I can think of a few things we did that I think helped.
She was incredibly excited about the baby and we stoked that fire daily! She was very involved in getting his clothes out, setting the crib up, ect. She even got to pick out a gift for him. After he was born we tried to make a big deal out of it being HER brother and she got possessive really fast. Like Cretora said, having them "help" means a lot I think. One thing she loved was to run his diapers to the trash after I changed him. Anytime someone brought gifts it was her personal job to rip into them. The baby shower was so fun for her .
I had a few books and other small gifts I wrapped beforehand then would pull one out when she seemed to be having a bad day.
Something else I did was [try] to NEVER say that I couldn't do something "because the baby". Whether it was go outside, play with me, or whatever, I would make up another reason but I tried not to blame him even if he was the reason!
When I nursed was our time to read stories. She soon would ask me when I'm going to feed him again . I definitely tired of it long before her!!
Some things are just hard. Bedtimes were always the worst for us. If you can, establish a routine before that you can keep after the baby is born. I was not good with that and I regret it. Eventually she was ok with laying in bed while I rocked the baby in her room but bedtime is where all her insecurities came out. There were days when it felt like I spent 3 hours getting them all to sleep and by then one was up again!
I know that I was a little easy on the discipline for a few weeks. Number 1, I wasn't up to it but quite frankly, normally a little TLC was all she needed. But like I said, I don't know if any of that helped or if we were just blest. About 4 months later, when he started responding more to us and when I had PPD is when we had issues

~Monica, wife to Eldon and mama to Makayla and Michael and Emily
   
mrs kev
Bookworm

Posts: 251
Registered: Aug 2010
 Posted April 16th, 2012 11:18 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Kristy was 25 months when Erica was born and she had very little adjustments, sure she did act out in some ways, she was almost 4 when Kyla was born and wow did we struggle with adjustments!! Erica was 21 months when Kyla was born an she hasn't struggled to bad. So becuase of that I tend to think the younger they are the easier they adjust, but i know that isn't always the case. Personalitys play a large role, to I know. One thing I kinda regret but it was very much out of my control was right after Kyla's birth we were very busy and looking back I wonder if I could have spent more time with Kristy if adjustments wouldn't have gone a little better.
Rachelle, wife to Kevin, mom to Kristy, Erica, & Kyla
   
Jenn
Bookworm

Posts: 1799
Registered: Mar 2008
 Posted April 17th, 2012 02:39 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
I think your Katie will be about the same age as my Bronwyn was when Gregory was born. She had a hard time for about a month, mostly at feeding time. She wanted to be on my lap when I was feeding the baby. Not good for my nerves. :S Sometimes I would get a snack ready for both of us before I would sit down to feed the baby, and that kept her occupied for a while. Or looking at books together helped sometimes too. My mom was here over that time, but Bronwyn didn't want her to do things like give her a bath, etc. It was hard, but I tried to give her as much attention as I could without dumping her off on Mom or my husband too much. I also tried to hold her and give her some cuddle time sometimes before she asked for it.

I can second what Monica said--having her in a consistent, easy napping/bedtime routine will help you a lot when you have a newborn. I was so grateful for Brownyn's 8:00 bedtime--even if the baby took until 11:00 to settle, at least he was the only one up until then.

Jenn
wife to Gabriel
mommy to:
Morgan, in heaven May 2, 2009
Bronwyn May 18, 2010
Gregory October 21, 2011
Nicholas July 2, 2014
   
Jillee
Bookworm

Posts: 1938
Registered: Oct 2008
 Posted April 17th, 2012 09:37 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Taigen turned 3 this past week and I wonder allot how he will do. He is SO excited and I love just sitting and talking about the baby with him just to see what he says. He loves babies, but it might all change when it's at his own house...hopefully not! I like the idea of letting him open the gifts, that would be right down his line! Sounds like his bedtime routine is a huge step in the right direction. With opening a store in June and baby in July... I'm just ready to see August already! I am looking forward to Delmar being here in the mornings, That will be a huge lift to each day!! No matter how much I try and plan ahead there are just to many things that can't be planned and I fall back into the "we'll just have to wing it as it comes mode" and then I kinda freak out
Larinda High
Mommy to~
Taigen Chaun(4/13/09)
Javier Grant(7/4/12)
Chenoa Blysse (5/10/14)
   
rallyjan
Bookworm

Posts: 3293
Registered: Jun 2007
 Posted April 17th, 2012 10:11 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
I've found that the older the child is, the harder the adjustment. But that might depend on the personality.
Z was nearly 3 1/2 when his first sister was born. He loved me reading to him while I nursed her, and his little love tank seemed to stay full. He played a lot with her and I really had to watch that he didn't over-do it. He showed jealously only when dad played with baby.
Then, he was well over 4 when sister no. 2 came, and did we have problems! Lying, back talk, disobedience, etc. and a weak mother who couldn't handle much of anything, much less discipline a naughty child. sister no. 1 was only 16 mo. old at the time and thankfully, she was a quiet child, content to cuddle up with me and baby. Sometimes, I felt that she got lost in between the demands a fussy baby put on me, and her naughty older brother.
I often had to think what another mother who had two close together told me, "It's not as hard on the oldest baby as it is on Mom!"
Thankfully, the older all of get, the more things even out!

Jan
Mama to Zachary, Leandra and Kandace





   
Jaysgirl
Bookworm

Posts: 1924
Registered: Aug 2008
 Posted April 17th, 2012 10:41 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Adjustments havn't been too hard for mine and the age range for the next to youngest has been 21mths to 4 years. I think it helps to keep as much a routine as possible. I am a stickler for keeping naptime schedules etc. Children can deal with things so much better if they get enough rest.
Right now we have a 22 month old and a 7 week old baby. I think I have had the hardest adjustment of all!!! With my big helpers all away at school in the morning, I pretty much just take care of my two little boys. So much for keeping on top of the office work that I do!

Sylvia - mom to five - Ana-14, Adria-11, Jacob-8, Caleb-4, Isaac-2
   
damys
Bookworm

Posts: 1404
Registered: Mar 2007
 Posted April 17th, 2012 03:20 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
If I remember the worst adjustment we had was all the company coming and the little ones getting so hyper and annoying. I never did figure out how to cure that?!! It was like they lost all sense of behaving...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they are old enough to know better this time...

amy
   
Jarby
Bookworm

Posts: 1452
Registered: Jan 2008
 Posted April 17th, 2012 03:53 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Does she like baby dolls? Could you get her a new baby right close to the time you bring your real baby home, and encourage her to hold "her baby" when you are busy holding/feeding yours and to mimic you in caring for it? Just an idea.
I remember an older Mom had the advice of trying to meet our toddler's needs - like if you could really tell they needed something just then, try to help them as soon as possible, even if it means putting the baby down and letting it cry for a minute or two, while you attend to toddler. Not that the toddler rules the roost - but trying to be sensitive to his needs - he will be more likely to remember - the baby probably won't.....for what it's worth...

Mommy to 5
   
mommy2boys
Bookworm

Posts: 831
Registered: Apr 2007
 Posted April 17th, 2012 04:09 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Quote:
damys wrote:
If I remember the worst adjustment we had was all the company coming and the little ones getting so hyper and annoying. I never did figure out how to cure that?!! It was like they lost all sense of behaving...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they are old enough to know better this time...


Oh, me too!! I think that got on my nerves more than anything.. I don't do great around people when I'm going thru the whole post-partum stuff and then having to deal with crazy hyper kids just drove me bonkers! I tried to be understanding of them & all the changes they were going thru, too. But yeah, I still had my limits and I stuck to my guns on those!! At least this time it will be summer and we can send them outside to run off that energy!

Our children all adjusted well in other ways, tho. I don't remember that jealousy was a big deal with any of them. I did try to make sure that I spent at least a little one-on-one time with each of them every day.

My sister is due in a couple weeks and she made some new toys for her 21mo old that she is saving until after the baby is born... like colored rice, ABC bean bags, and some new toys. Something to make her daughter also feel special when suddenly all the attention is focused on the new baby.

::JUDY::

Dylan (11), Zachary (8), Emma (6), Dominic (05.20.10), Caden (2)
   
mom2one
Bookworm

Posts: 544
Registered: Dec 2008
 Posted April 19th, 2012 07:29 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
I am holding my breath with how our 3 year old is going to adjust to a baby. He will be almost 4 till the baby comes. When we talk about a baby, he seems excited; although one time we were telling him different things he'll need to share with the baby. He was okay with everything until it came to his dad. He is extremely possessive with his daddy and he thought there is no way he can share his dad with a baby brother or sister. Some goals are to make feeding time for baby, story time for him, having him run errands (getting diapers, clothes, etc. for baby) and I like the idea of having some new toys for him over that time.
Deb
wife to Marv
mom to Daryn - 4; Chadric - 7/27/2012
   
lovinglife
Bookworm

Posts: 1118
Registered: Nov 2008
 Posted April 19th, 2012 09:20 PM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
We've had a variety of spacing in between our children, 16 mon, 16 mon, 6 yrs and 4yrs. We've never really had difficult adjustments after the birth. I think sometimes the children pick up on how parents are adjusting and that may affect their response.

One thing I've tried to do is to never tell the youngest no because of the new sibling. For example when our youngest was born, Zachary would have been 4 yo. If he would ask me to hold him, I would suggest that he come and sit next to me. So instead of saying no, I would just offer him something else. I know for my older children I used the word, "no" way to often and I didn't want to do that again. Of course, there are times when it needs to be used but often a better answer can be given.

Tonia
wife to Les
mom to Victor (16), Vincent (14), Juliana (13), Zachary (7) Anika (3), one in heaven and Zayden born peacefully sleeping on April 25, 2014
   
kenziesmom
Beginning Reader

Posts: 75
Registered: Oct 2010
 Posted April 20th, 2012 08:01 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
[quote]mom2one wrote:
When we talk about a baby, he seems excited; although one time we were telling him different things he'll need to share with the baby. He was okay with everything until it came to his dad. He is extremely possessive with his daddy and he thought there is no way he can share his dad with a baby brother or sister. [quote]

This was the exact response of our 3 yr. old!! She kept say, "Well, I think he'll have a different daddy!" (and inwardly I'm thinking- "No way, m'am!! ) And I think that still is one of her hardest adjustments to deal with. So 'daddy dates' are important and he tries to fit them in a couple times a week. It does wonders in easing her jealousy. Another thing we've tried focusing on more is how often positive attention encourages positive behaviour~and I'm not saying that we never have to discipline, we definately do! It just seems to encourage better behaviour with our daughter. But each parent knows their child best and what they need to make them feel loved and secure!

Sue

~Kenzie and Keatons mommy~
   
mom2one
Bookworm

Posts: 544
Registered: Dec 2008
 Posted April 25th, 2012 11:45 AM   IP           Reply with quote Edit Post Delete post
Quote:
kenziesmom wrote:

So 'daddy dates' are important and he tries to fit them in a couple times a week. It does wonders in easing her jealousy.


I like this idea...will have to remember this...

Deb
wife to Marv
mom to Daryn - 4; Chadric - 7/27/2012
   



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A Page in the Life of A Mom :: Chapters of Motherhood :: Infants and Toddlers :: When the New Baby Arrives
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