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kaylouann
Bookworm
Posts: 948
Registered: Mar 2007 |
 Posted October 8th, 2009 10:52 AM IP   
Both of my girls actually. I'm afraid it's something I'm doing wrong that they are like this and I want any advice you may have.
Here's the problem: I stopped in at the school this morning and talked to Lexi's teacher a bit just to see how she's doing. What she talked about more than anything was how she cries... getting bumped or falling at recess or when she gets accidentally skipped with flashcards or something in class, she'll just start crying. That's just a couple examples. It's quite embarrassing, actually. I've taught school and I know that a kid like that would've drove me insane. I want the teacher to like my child and not to have to tip-toe around someone high-maintenance, PLUS my girls will get along better in life if they're tougher.
This isn't just an at school thing. My girls get very few spankings because one light scolding will put them in tears. There might be a positive flip side to this, I guess: they're very seldom naughty and they wouldn't hurt a flea and I never had to worry about them being mean or grabbing from other kids.
I would like to keep the good qualities while teaching them to roll with the punches and not cry over every little thing. I probably cry only several times a year, so it's not like I'm a weepy person or anything, so why are they like that?! And when they hurt themselves, I don't dote on them or anything... I say something more like, "Oh, it looks like it'll be fine. Isn't it feeling better already?"
Anyway, now that this has been addressed by the teacher, I want to have a talk with Lexi and I'm NOT sure what to say!!!!
---Kay
Wife to Shannon
Mom to Lexi (8) and Tiffany (4) and Megan (born June 1, 2010)
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heart@home
Bookworm
Posts: 844
Registered: Sep 2007 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 12:42 PM IP
 My oldest son was much like that when he was younger, but he mostly grew out of it. Be glad they are girls, for one, it seems more normal for a girl to be teary.
No answers....but I am excited to come back and see what others say.
~Di
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daisydayz
Bookworm
Posts: 463
Registered: Apr 2007 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 12:49 PM IP
hmmm....i bet she'll grow out of it - maybe she'll soon start getting embarassed if she realizes that she cries more than others at school. Hey, at least she isn't a bully making other ones cry! I bet once you talk to her she'll stop cause she sounds sensitive to what others think of her and wanting to please. She's so sweet! Good luck!
Jennie, Jeff's wife and MacKenzie and Madison's mom
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antrosari
Bookworm
Posts: 1376
Registered: Aug 2008 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 12:49 PM IP
My oldest was a lot like that her first year. But she was only five for the first couple months of school. She wasn't emotionally ready for school. Not saying that yours isn't, but yes, I know the feeling.
Rose~Anthony's wife
Mom of five
Ariana Pearl~11
Serena Kaylee~9
Brielle Rose~7
Landon Joel~5
Amaya Nicole~6/16/2012
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amyjane30
Bookworm
Posts: 958
Registered: Mar 2008 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 06:13 PM IP
Yes and someone tell me how to make a six year old cry quiet....We've resorted to Stop crying right now....and he does.
I remember when my sisters and I had to do dishes or something together, April would always come into the kitchen crying....at least till she was well over 6. I'm thinking she was closer to 9. And the only thing that i know of that made her stop was Shilah and I getting upset w/ her and telling her to get over it! So she grew out of it. And I don't think it was tears cuz she was so broken so much as she HATED doing dishes. So those were angry tears!
So I don't know how to toughen up a kid. I feel sure I'll be faciing this issue in a year or so! Lets hear more!
(Edited by amyjane30)
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daisydayz
Bookworm
Posts: 463
Registered: Apr 2007 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 07:25 PM IP
smiling about April.
Jennie, Jeff's wife and MacKenzie and Madison's mom
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heart@home
Bookworm
Posts: 844
Registered: Sep 2007 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 10:53 PM IP
I do believe kids can cry to control us with tears. Watching that, see if they are wanting to get by with something or then be treated "special" because of the tears.
When Alex cries he cries more too because he is angry ^^, I have started spanking (firmly and kindly explaining why) and it has made a huge difference. When it's anger I want him to explain what is going on instead of coming upstairs screaming like a bat is after him. (teaches healthy communication as well)
~Di
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naters
Bookworm
Posts: 1286
Registered: Mar 2009 |
Posted October 8th, 2009 11:12 PM IP
Have you tried ignoring it? Someone said letting the child know it's not necessary then ignoring it will work faster than a punishment. I don't know, don't have a weepy child , but had several students like that.
Nate's love Scotty, Trevor, Nekoda's mom
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Jenn
Bookworm
Posts: 1494
Registered: Mar 2008 |
Posted October 9th, 2009 06:16 AM IP
When I was in first grade, our whole grade was like that...cried at every little thing. Our poor teacher. We just grew out of it eventually, but I'm sure it was frustrating for her to be soothing tears all the time.
The boys for whom i was a nanny last year would often cry long and loud over minor hurts. Their mom would say, "Stop crying first and then tell me about it." That seemed to help.
Jenn
wife to Gabriel, mommy to Morgan (in heaven), Bronwyn and Gregory
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kaylouann
Bookworm
Posts: 948
Registered: Mar 2007 |
Posted October 9th, 2009 09:08 AM IP
Quote:
naters wrote:
Have you tried ignoring it? Someone said letting the child know it's not necessary then ignoring it will work faster than a punishment. |
I tell her it's not ok to cry just because she has to wear this certain dress (or whatever the issue is at the moment) and she needs to stop. If she doesn't stop and be happy, I tell her she needs to go sit on the couch until she's happy. I don't let her sit on the couch and wail though either, she has to sit there till I sense her attitude is improved.
By ignoring it, do you mean just let her cry till she stops on her own? That would drive me insane.
---Kay
Wife to Shannon
Mom to Lexi (8) and Tiffany (4) and Megan (born June 1, 2010)
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ihavesix
Librarian
Posts: 1628
Registered: Dec 2008 |
Posted October 9th, 2009 10:33 AM IP
Well, I don't know if this applies to what you are asking, Kay, or whether this is how your daughter means it... but, probably 3 girls of mine have this thing of when I ask them to do something they don't want to do, they start crying. "Commanding" them to stop crying sometimes works, but lately I've been treating it more like what we call in our family ,a "hissy fit". In other words, they don't like what is happening and this is how their anger is coming out, by crying. My 5 and 3 year old get spanked for it now. I sit and talk with them and let them know that they cannot get mad and cry over something they do not like same as I wouldn't let them scream and throw things. it has done wonders with them... but, I have to be very consistant, same as with any other discipline area.
Like I said, I have no idea whether that is what's going on with your girl. Hope you figure something out. A weepy girl just drives my hubby nuts and what made me take a different route in handling them was when he made comments of pitying the man they end up with... oops! I don't want my daughters to turn into women that use tears to control people.
Sorry! I just seen that Heart@home wrote pretty much the samething. 
Now unto Him that is able to do EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Eph. 3:20
Amy~ Married 15 yrs to the love of my life, Carl... who keeps me laughing..
Brett~13 Amber~12 Harmony~10 Kiahna~8 Shelby~6 Olivia~4
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kaylouann
Bookworm
Posts: 948
Registered: Mar 2007 |
Posted October 9th, 2009 10:42 AM IP
Quote:
ihavesix wrote:
... but, probably 3 girls of mine have this thing of when I ask them to do something they don't want to do, they start crying. |
Yup, describes my girls to a T. I usually tack on another job when they do that... one time Lexi had 5 jobs stacked up, then she melted into a crying heap, feeling overwhelmed. What I often do now is before giving them a job, I say, "I'm gonna give you a job and do you remember what happens if you cry or complain about it?" They don't cry or complain then, but I shouldn't have to say that all the time.
What I don't get is that crying has never done them any good... I don't let them get out of stuff or backpedal or anything when they cry.
---Kay
Wife to Shannon
Mom to Lexi (8) and Tiffany (4) and Megan (born June 1, 2010)
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Mikeswife
Bookworm
Posts: 870
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted October 9th, 2009 12:58 PM IP
Quote:
kaylouann wrote:
Yup, describes my girls to a T. I usually tack on another job when they do that... one time Lexi had 5 jobs stacked up, then she melted into a crying heap, feeling overwhelmed. What I often do now is before giving them a job, I say, "I'm gonna give you a job and do you remember what happens if you cry or complain about it?" They don't cry or complain then, but I shouldn't have to say that all the time.
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That is not a bad plan. I may have to keep it in mind.
~VaLita
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rallyjan
Bookworm
Posts: 2761
Registered: Jun 2007 |
Posted October 12th, 2009 11:47 AM IP
I've found the hints and advice on this thread quite interesting! It helps me to know how to better deal with my 2 yr. old, as she is the crybaby when something doesn't go her way. In fact, she gets spanked more for crying about something that doesn't go her way then for throwing a temper tantrum. Even at 18 months, she would melt into a pitiful little heap on the floor if something didn't suit her.
One thing that i've found helpful at her young age is to send her to bed until she is ready to be nice again. She'll sometimes run off herself, then soon will be back, saying that she's alright again! It also helps to take the time to find what is really bothering her. Sometimes as simple as getting her sippy cup or a pen, lol!
The second daughter, she'll sit on the floor and scream, trying to talk and let you know that, "This doesn't suit me AT ALL!" And she isn't quite a year old yet.  'sigh'
Now, to figure out how to keep my 5 yr. old SON from crying over every little thing. He actually seems to do better away from home, unless someone torments him when he is trying to prove his point. That happened at a wedding the other day......and he had a following of boys when he ran off crying. I ended up taking him into a room by ourselves, and shut the door in their faces, so i can ask him what was wrong, because this was very real to him. I'm still not sure that I handled it right, since I also had a weepy 2 yr. old on my hands, who was tired of all the people.
Then i told Z to go find daddy (who was busy happily visiting with his relatives!) and tell him that we are ready to go home. Next thing I know, here comes Z crying again, because he bumped his face somewhere. It seems to be something to constantly work with, and to be patient until they grow up!
Jan
Mama to Zachary, Leandra and Kandace
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naters
Bookworm
Posts: 1286
Registered: Mar 2009 |
Posted October 12th, 2009 01:47 PM IP
Quote:
kaylouann wrote:
By ignoring it, do you mean just let her cry till she stops on her own? That would drive me insane.
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No, I don't think that would work. By the other posts you have, I'm thinking you've got it under control. Keep on keeping on!!
Nate's love Scotty, Trevor, Nekoda's mom
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delsgirl
Bookworm
Posts: 1134
Registered: Jan 2009 |
Posted October 12th, 2009 04:06 PM IP
For what it's worth Kay I wanted to tell you I think your girls are some of the sweetest kids I"ve ever seen. At Sheldon's wedding I took mine out to the playground and yours came out to play... so quiet and sweet, I wish mine were a little more like that. I think you're doing a great job!
Christy
-wife to Delvin, mom to Maleah (5) and Shawn (3)
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A Page in the Life of A Mom :: Chapters of Motherhood :: Elementary :: My child needs toughened up, advice please! |
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