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.:Plainview's Pulpit:.
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wind chime
Charles Nelson Reilly's SHORTS!

Posts: 962
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted March 20th, 2010 09:21 PM   IP              
Quote:
they had all the Beach Boys 2-fers, the original 90's ones, the good ones, the ones that sound nice.....I hope some one buys them.....


Yes I think the 1990 ones sound better than the 2001 sets...gosh its almost time to remaster them again!!! Every 11 years or so!
   
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 24th, 2010 12:28 PM   IP              
"HI! I SAW THE PICTURE! SO EVERYTHING WENT GOOD AND QUICK! YOU COME UP WITH A NAME? SHE LOOKS CHUBBY! SHE LOOKS GOOD! WHAT TIME WAS SHE BORN!! I GOTTA CALL SOME PEOPLE TOO! I GOT TO CALL KRISTY AND AMY TOO! ALIRGHT! THANKS! BUH BYE!!!!"

"HEY! DID YOU LOOK AT YOUR CELL PHONE? WE GOT A BABY!!!! SHE'S DOING GOOD, THEY HAVEN'T WEIGHED HER! HE'S ALL EXCITED. SHE WENT REALLY QUICK! I CALLED YOU AND TEXT YOU! I'M GOING NUTS!!!! (I'LL SAY!) DID HE SEND YOU THE PICTURE TOO? MY JOB IS TO GET THE DOG OVER TO THE VETS! HE SAID HE HELD HER AND CUT THE CORD AND HE'S ALL EXCITED ABOUT IT! WHEN HE GETS THE PARTICULARS HE'S GOING TO CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW! NO NAME. THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. I'M GOING CRAZY I WANTED TO CALL YOU RIGHT AWAY. TODAY IS THE 24TH, AND SHE WAS BORN AT 11:30. YOU WELCOME. WHEN YOU SEE YOUR PHONE YOU'LL SEE I TEXTED YOU AND CALLED YOU TWICE. SHE WANT TO TALK TO ME QUICK? I TALKED TO HER LAST NIGHT..... HI SWEET GIRL! HOW ARE YOU? DID YOU JUST WAKE UP? DID MAMA TELL YOU ABOUT NEW BABY COUSIN? HAVE A GOOD DAY, NANA LOVES YOU! WHERE'S YOUR DOGGIES? AT HOME? WHERE'S THE CHIAUAUAHAHA? DOWNSTAIRS? HAVE A GOOD DAY, LET ME TALK TO MAMA. BYE. YOU GONNA SAY GOODBYE TO ME? WHERE'S MAMA? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TODAY? ALRIGHT. HAVE A GOOD DAY TODAY. WHERE'S MOMMY? DONT' KNOW? YEAH BABY COUSIN. YOU GOT A NEW BABY COUSIN. IS THAT GOOD? I TOLD HER SHE HAS A NEW BABY COUSIN. NAMELESS. HE SENT YOU A PICTURE, I'M SURE HE DID. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN FORWARD THIS TO YOU. YEAH, SHE LOOKS CHUBBY. NO, SHE LOOKS CHUBBY. NO, SHE LOOKS LIKE HIM. HE CALLED ME AT 10 FROM THE HOSPITAL. WHEN I GOT THE PICTURE I WAS LIKE OH MY GOODNESS! OKAY, HE SAID THEY WON'T WEIGH OR MEASURE THE BABY FOR 2 HOURS. THATS GOOD. THATS WHAT WE WERE PRAYING FOR. ALRIGH, HAVE A GOOD DAY. LOVE YOU. BYE."


  
Dude ll Doo
can turn the world on with a smile

Posts: 1431
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted March 24th, 2010 02:00 PM   IP              
Quote:
Daniel Plainview wrote:
SHE WENT REALLY QUICK!


Oh man, you cant make this shit up . Comedy gold!

Thank God for seltzer
   
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 24th, 2010 02:18 PM   IP              
To clarify, this is the other woman, the bible nut. She's been at it all day, very excited. (Should I bring up the fact that the baby is born out of wed lock?)

Every five minutes: "SHE LOOKS CHUBBY SHE LOOKS CHUBBY SHE LOOKS CHUBBy!!!"

"HI....OMIGOODNESS YEAH! THEY SAID THEY AREN'T GOING TO WEIGH HER FOR TWO HOURS! SHE LOOKS CHUYBBY! (SIGN THE NEWBORN UP TO CURVES). I GOT A PICTURE, EVERYTHINGS GOOD. I CALL HIM AND ASK HIM WHATS SHE WEIGH, WHATS HER NAME AND HE SAID THEY DON'T KNOW, THEYRE' GOING TO WAIT 2 HOURS TO WEIGH HER. SHE LOOKS CHUBBY! LOKS LIKE SHE'S GOT SOME WEIGHT….”

  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 25th, 2010 11:12 AM   IP              
Look, I know the birth of a child is exciting, but does that mean you can walk around the building talking all day long? Woman took a half day, might as well took a whole day. From 8-10 away from desk playing grab ass, then finally returned but has since only used the time to called her mother and her son. Tax payer dollars at work. Meanwhile, I'm TCB'ing all over the place.
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 25th, 2010 11:25 AM   IP              
JENNA NICOLE! THAT’S THE NAME! SHE JUST GOT IT! NOW FOR ANOTHER HOUR LONG TOUR OF THE BUILDING!!!!
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 25th, 2010 03:23 PM   IP              
Oh Christ, here we go again.....

"...wonk wonk wonk...She's out. My shoulder is really bad today. That means you're doing too much. She's a little chunk-a-munk (do we REALLy need to say this anymore?!?!). She's definitely scowling. "Not the mama". Hhhahahha. HI MONKEY? How's my girl? Huh? How's my precious geeeeeerl? Not the mama! yes yes you did. hhhhhahaha. Oh, it's NANA! It’s nana! Huh? Smack smack smack smack. Okay, I'll go pee, and while she’s up I'll take her around the building. Hi! Smooch smooch. gonna be a good girl for nana? Woof woof woof deep voice sounds. Nobody over tehre today! You so tired! smooch smooch smooch smooch. What was that? Don't punch mom! Dont' punch mom. There's my monkey! There she is! Look how tired she is. You didn't sleep long enough, no you didn't. No you didn’t'. I'll walk around with you for a minute. Okay....there's my geeerl. There'es my geeerl. We can show off your teethers! We can show off your teethers today!!!...."
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 25th, 2010 03:44 PM   IP              
"..okay precious girl. Oh yeah, I thought you r mother forgot the diaper bag. That would be BAD!!!" What’s your nana doing to you? Are you ready to go bye bye in the car? You ready to go bye bye in the cae? My mothe was a red head. yep. Your great gramma was a red head, yeah? Want to stick your sweater in my mouth. Do you want it? Really, you don’t' want it. I’m shocked. You must be tired. Alright monkey. Here we go! How’s that? Tighter? A little tighter? Boop boop boop. Ready to go bye bye? Are you? Ready to go bye bye in the car? Want this? yeah, you got it, I see those teethers too! I see those teethers! Yes! I see them! Are you gonna tell me a story! Are you? Are you? You gonna tell me a story? Woff woof woff deep voices. Alright monkey. Dianna? I se that glassy eye thing happening. Yes I do. Alright monkey. Say thank you for watching me. Peek a boo! Peek a boo! Alright see you later. "
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 28th, 2010 07:03 PM   IP              
And.....I've reinjured my back.
  
Joel
Charles Nelson Reilly's SHORTS!

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Registered: Nov 2008
 Posted March 29th, 2010 01:31 PM   IP              
Quote:
Daniel Plainview wrote:
And.....I've reinjured my back.


Sucks man. I injured my back last summer, and I've lived in fear of it going out again ever since. Months of physical therapy and I still have to think twice about how I'm going to pick up my daughter.
   
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 29th, 2010 03:03 PM   IP              
Went to doctor. He sends me back to neurologist. They won't just give me shot, want new MRI. New MRI has to be okayed by workers comp. The original injury happened at work, but I was moving a piece of furniture to reinjure it. Makes no difference, I guess. So now I have to wait for MRI and to get my back injections, which now fucks up my Easter and will ruin my wife's birthday.

Also, like I don't already have enough shit going on, what with the refinancing of the house, the car breaking down, the furnace breaking down, my back injury, and a sore throat, while I"m there they talk me into a sleep study since I snore and stop breathing in the night all the time. They gave me the talk last time I was there and although I know I need to address this issue I just put it on back burner (again). So they want me on April 9th for the sleep study. I don't really care, except what if they say I need surgery or have to wear a stupid mask at night? Wife won't go for it, already yelling at me for scheduling the appointment in the first place. Yeah, I think I already have too much on my plate. Maybe I should cancel and wait for a better time. Too much all at once. I haven't had a moments peace in weeks.
  
Jeff Mason
The Nitrate Bandit

Posts: 20811
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted March 29th, 2010 03:15 PM   IP              
Dude, I have to tell you -- the first night at home I slept with the mask, my wife was almost rapturous the next day about the difference it made. The CPAP is pretty quiet, and the main thing to get used to is sleeping with it on in terms of how it feels on your face, if you have any claustrophobia issues or anything. But I just simply won't sleep without it now. IMO you have nothing to fear and everything to gain from that sleep study.
   
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 29th, 2010 04:14 PM   IP              
Thanks for the info. Yeah, I definitely think it's a good idea, but at the moment it might be just one too many things on my plate. I think I'll put it off for now and maybe tackle it a month or two down the road.
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted March 31st, 2010 09:49 AM   IP              
Does a trip to McDonalds really require this much planning?

"...is there a playground at that McDonalds? It can become a treat that Nana takes him to. I figured I'd try him on the chicken nuggets. Okay. They may not do that in the kids meal, but I might get him the kid meal so he gets the toy then swap out the stuff and I'll eat the crap, I don't care. OH REALLY?!?!!? Oh good! I'm sure they probably do. And especially for kids, I'm' sure If I can switch those out for those apple things they do that's fine. No, I don't think that's necessary. That's why I was kind of hoping this place has a playground, because I know he's been stuck inside. What time has he been going to bed? If he's still happy do you want me to keep him up til you get home? Okay. As long as he's not completely melting down we'll just wait up til you get home. That’s why we're bigger than them. Okay. Yup. Sounds good. The more you, that's right, if you don't have to limit him you're better off, cause then it won't be this forbidden treat. Yup. Yup. Yup yup. Good. I still have a little bit of a cough, but other than that I'm not bad. It’s like week 2. It's like a TB ward over here (wasn't funny the first 20 times she’s said it). Your niece is going to have their hands full with her. She is a piece of work. She is too fat to roll herself over, but she's figured out how to use the bars of the crib to roll herself over on her tummy! YUP!!! YUP YUP YUP!!! I wish that they'd do it a little further apart, I think having two babies that close together is....yeah, I know I'm not either, that's why I didn’t. Yeah, we'll see. She’s not going to try before Deanna's first birthday....no…(they lose connection, she calls her back).......I was just calling you, you 're on that Taconic, huh? Yep, they have really crappy service on there. Ok, I'll get your son when I get out of here and we'll have some fun until you get home. No, not in the office, they have their own surgical center. It’s not in a hospital and it's not in the office either. I'm prepared to go straight from your house in case it's a 5:30 appointment or something. You're really breaking up now, I can't hear you. No, I'll be at her house on Thursday, and Friday is a day off already. I might be there in case the baby wakes up to help her. I'll play it by ear and see how it goes. If they don’t' find anything in there that they're not expecting the doctor said she should be able to take care of the baby by herself by Monday. So we shall see. They have to say that. Right. Yup. Hhahahahahahaha! Exactly. Okay. Alrighty then. Huhuhuh. Drive carefully. You on your own today? Oh, get out. Oh! oll hih Hhhhhhhhhhh..... oh yeah. Yup. Unbelievable. yeah, right? was he in a compay car? He is lucky. Companies’ frown on you getting in an accident in their car. Youp. Youp absolutely. Don't ever try to put me in a car with him again~! Hee hee hee! She's just being nice if she’s not telling you the real reason. my god, why's she still being nice? Alright, you drive carefully. I'll talk to you latta! Okay goobye."


This whole "baby rolls onto tummy" thing is like the biggest news of the year. I've been hearing about it non-stop for 48 hours. Wonk wonk wonk. Who cares?
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 09:04 AM   IP              
"Hi, I had an appointment...sure (holding).........Hi, I have an appointment on April 22nd, and I need to reschedule, because I noticed I have tickets to the “Red Neck Comedians” the next night and don't want to take a chance that I'm not feeling well enough to go.....Monday will be fine. Thank you. "
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 09:22 AM   IP              
Poor little angel….poor little baby girl…..nwaaaaaaaaawwww……
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 10:33 AM   IP              
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
Poor little angel....
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 10:42 AM   IP              
Guy came in and was talking to people, you know, about business stuff. Yes, he did go on and on and was here for like 20 minutes, but it's amusing that the old bat is huffing and puffing behind me about how she can't get any work done until he's gone. He finally left and she's like, "WEll, maybe NOW i can get some work done". But the "poor little angel" crap and visits from that nitwit....THAT's not a distraction to anyone, is it?
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 11:11 AM   IP              
"...he kicks so much in the night. It's like BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!!" (should be in FONT=10000 to emphasise volume)
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 12th, 2010 02:29 PM   IP              
Old bat's husband called her just to tell her that someone called the house and didn’t leave a message, and now she’s going to call the number back and see who it was. Probably a sales call. This, of course, is far too important to wait until she gets home.
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 13th, 2010 10:10 AM   IP              
Here we go again…

"...I've been trying to contact JC Penneys' portrait studio for 2 days now. You website doesn't work and I left a message yesterday at 10:30 in the morning and no one has gotten back to me. Since I can't get through to them I guess I'll just go somewhere else to get my pictures taken. It shouldn't be this hard to set up an appointment....... 12205..... (tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap pen tapping tap tap tap tap). Yep, that's the store I left the message at. All day yesterday. And as I say, I left a message on voicemail but no one ever called me back. And can you report that the website isn't working and that the store isn't responding to a customer's inquiry? Is there someone you can report that to?!? (Gives her name, spells it out....gives her address.... spells it out....gives phone number....gives her email address....spells it out....) The website has a portion where you can set up an appointment, but when you enter your zip code it says it needs a new upload of Google maps. That's the actual message I get. I tired it on three different computers so I know it's not me. I tried it on my work computer, I tried it on my home computer, and I tried it on someone else's computer, so I know it's at least a problem in my area here. I don't know the store number, but its Crossgates Mall in Albany. Okay, thank you very much. You too. “
  
andy rooney
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 Posted April 13th, 2010 01:01 PM   IP              
joe, can you lock this shit down?



hey bubba, how's it goin. what you been listening to?
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 13th, 2010 03:31 PM   IP              
Quote:
andy rooney wrote:



hey bubba, how's it goin. what you been listening to?



Hi Andy, good to see you. Been swinging back and forth from Nilsson to Slayer lately. A little Megadeth and Dion to keep it interesting. Played Neil Young's' "Everybody's Rockin' and "Life" yesterday. Listening to "Between the Buttons" this afternoon.
  
andy rooney
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 Posted April 13th, 2010 03:41 PM   IP              
listening to a fourth homemade smile mix (dj mic luv). it's funny how quickly a tracklisting can burn into your brain. this mix was made prior to the concerts (i think?), the tracklisting is all wrong and it's distracting. i used to like this mix best, but i think penick and giacomelli now hold co-number 1 since they follow the tracklisting.

always wanted to know why brian was saying "pork chop" behind "father of the man"

pork chop
father of the maaaan
pork chop
father of the maaaan
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 16th, 2010 02:16 PM   IP              
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.

Yeah, we know, it's a fat baby with a giant head. What else is new?
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 20th, 2010 09:59 AM   IP              
She ordered a sun dress for Sara and it was delivered here. So now Sara's coming in to try it on......here.......try it on here....at our office......here.....

  
cubist
in the sky with diamonds

Posts: 1081
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 Posted April 20th, 2010 10:17 AM   IP              
Quote:
Daniel Plainview wrote:
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.
She's a big girl.

Yeah, we know, it's a fat baby with a giant head. What else is new?


She'll be even bigger soon now that they are already stuffing the poor creature with chicken nuggetts and other junk shit!

Heh! I don't know how you stand it mate. I think I would have got myself fired by now for hitting the silly cow. We've got one like her but fortunately in another office. Wanders around all day wityh her bloody mobile phone welded to her ear, talking shite. Cracks jokes that were beyond their sell-by date 20 years ago. Wost of all she's about four feet tall so you can't see her coming. One day someone will accidentally kick her over. Shame.

: http://myspace.com/disposablemanband

Wi-Fi does something horrible to your brain, like eating your fondest memories and replacing them with drawings of cross-eyed bats and a strong smell of puke. - Charlie Brooker
   
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 20th, 2010 10:42 AM   IP              
Sara will be here shortly to try on her dress and feed her baby. Everyone is on contant break here.
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 20th, 2010 10:55 AM   IP              
SHES MY CHUNK-A-MUNK!! SHE'S MY LITTLE CHUNK-A-MUNK!



KILL ME! PLEASE!
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted April 20th, 2010 10:57 AM   IP              
Now there's some other whack job walking around with her adopted baby, giving everyone "a dose of cuteness!". We got two babies here crying at the same time, I can't hear the goddamn phone, we got old bats on the phone for hours at a time, and I'm the only one here doing any goddamn work (posting on this site!)!
  



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