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.:Plainview's Pulpit:.
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Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 14th, 2010 08:58 AM   IP              
Liams’ temp is up again. Poor little angel. Poor little guy.



STOP SAYING THAT!!!

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 14th, 2010 01:01 PM   IP              
NANA...CAKE!
NANA...CAKE!

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 17th, 2010 01:09 PM   IP              
Poor little guy….Liam’s got mono!
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 17th, 2010 02:39 PM   IP              
poor little guy, poor little angel, poor little boy, poor little spleen, poor little nana hasn't shut the hell up all damn day. poor little guy.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 18th, 2010 10:41 AM   IP              
Poor little angel...Epstein Barr....playground....petting zoo...cake! cake!....time to gooooo.....transfer of saliva......there's a man answering....oh that's nice! he just put his tongue in my mouth!.....he keeps hanging up.....time to gooooooo....Epstein Barr.....spleen.......saliva.......time to gooooooo.......he keeps hanging up....cake! cake!......he keeps hanging up......poor little angel......is there anybody OUT THERE.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 18th, 2010 10:54 AM   IP              
"CRIB DEATH"
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 18th, 2010 11:20 AM   IP              
".....was she breast feeding? Well, of course you never know how much they are getting. Its awful. Yessss. yes. It's still a horrible thing, but at least they didn’t' do anything they have to blame themselves for. Did you take your test? And it was negative? okay. Yeah, you better! Yup. Yeah. Alright. Try not to think about it. Play with your baby and try to put it out of your mind. It's a tragedy but you can't let it over take you (I'm going to puke if I have to listen to any more of this Dr. Phil crap). You can send them a card...yup...right. Okay. Goobye".
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 18th, 2010 11:43 AM   IP              
time for lunchtime visit from her husband. Eating at her desk. Her husband:

"Sure is quiet in here".

Well, it was...

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 19th, 2010 12:03 PM   IP              
"I'll need a flashlight and a magnifying glass in order to tell what it is...."


????

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Daniel Plainview
Unregistered

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 Posted May 19th, 2010 03:03 PM   IP              
Here we go....Deanna's started with the sippy cup....
  
Daniel Plainview
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 Posted May 19th, 2010 03:09 PM   IP              
The other bat is on the pone all afternoon, checking internet for her daughter's plane's location (she's coming here for a visit).

Meanwhile, it apparently takes 20 phone calls to make plans to go to a freakin' petting zoo. Wonk wonk wonk wonk. i'll pick him up, I'll bring him home, I'll wonk wonk wonk....
  
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 20th, 2010 03:26 PM   IP              
Look who’s here! It’s NANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEEK-A-BOOOOOO! Who has stinky feet?!?!? WERE’NT YOU? YES! IT'S ALRIGHT PUMPKIN! WHAA WHAA WHAAWA! I'M STILL TIRED! I'M STILL TIRED! WHEN DOES SHE EAT NEXT? OH MONEKY?! CRABBY PANTS. CRABBY PANT CRABBY OANTS. CHICKAA CHIKA CHIA CHICA. CRABBY PATTY! CH. PPOOR LITTLE MONKEY! SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK. WHAT'S MONMMY DOING? SHE'S BIG TOO. SHE'S HEAVY. SHOW HER YOU TOOTH? SHOW HER YOUR TOOTH? YO'VE GOT A BUNCH OF TEETHERS! MONKEY MONKEY. THERE'S A SMILE! POP POP POP POP POP SMACK SMACK SMACK SMAK SMACK SMACK. YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DADDY TODAY! WEHEN PEOPLE YOU LOOK LIKE DADDY YOU CAN CRY. MEEEP MEEP MEEP CARE YOU CRANKY! NANa'S COO COO! SAY BYE BYE. IS SHE MSMILING? GETTING READY TO CRY. BYE . FUCK OFF. THAKS FOR STOPING BY!"
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 20th, 2010 03:31 PM   IP              
..an that way i don't have to try and carry everything out by myself. monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey. wh did this not shut down? weird. jess is having her daughters birthday party on saturday. wonk wonk wonk wonk wonk. I'd like Mike to meet them and like them and find people he actually has something in common with (try a crackhouse). Froggy? FROGGY MEEP MEEP MEEP! Peek A BOO! Wonk wonk wonk w wonk wonk ad nauseum. Bue!
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted May 27th, 2010 10:14 AM   IP              
"...your father's mother NEVER liked me. But she learned to KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT."


Didn't like you? I can't imagine why...

GOD, when will this useless old BAT retire?!?!

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 6th, 2010 01:11 PM   IP              
Setlist from my inebriated night of karaoke....

1. Eve of Destruction
2. Hurdy Gurdy Man
3. Abraham Martin & John
4. Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town
5. My Ding-A-Ling
6. The Humpty Dance

Sang something with my friend but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.
(Edited by Bubba Ho-Tep)

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 8th, 2010 10:31 AM   IP              
Sarah's pregnant! Here we go again! 9 months of BULLSHIT. Bitch already on phone all goddamn morning. Gonna cut her. I mean it.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 20th, 2010 09:35 PM   IP              
Sarah lost the baby.

Okey gubbye.

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 21st, 2010 07:21 PM   IP              
Fuck you Wells Fargo! Three months of bullshit and then you postpone our refinance closing at the last second? I'm in an empty lawyers office talking into a phone to some idiotic dingbat who can't get our papers in order!??! What kind of fool do you take me for?

Stupid central air condensation line leaks into secret place behind wall. Ground can't absorb water fast enough. A constant mess. I'm gonna tear the fucking wall down and sort this shit out once and for all. I'll run a hose from the pipe to the cellar sinK! I'll get a rain gutter and shove it into the wall and let it catch the drip and send it elsewhere. Every fucking day it's soomething else. I just want to be settled and have my slate clean but these no good sons of bitches keep holding me back!??

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 22nd, 2010 10:24 AM   IP              
Mourning is over. old bat is back at her desk and picking right up where she left off. Wonk wonk wonk all morning. She missed three days because of the miscarriage and she still has nothing to do other than talk....LOUDLY...on the phone to her a-hole family and friends.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 22nd, 2010 10:37 AM   IP              
"They were able to save the falopian tube"

Well, thank God for that.

I've started punching myself in the ear.

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 22nd, 2010 10:49 PM   IP              
Trying to refinance and of course I get stuck with some stupid wench would can't give me a straight answer. This thing has been fucked from day one. I went to a law office Monday to close and I am handed a phone and told by this fool that the closing is not happening and now I need to have my house appraised. They've had 3 months to get their shit together and I'm standing in an office with my dick in my hand like a fucking idiot.

Sample of email coorespondance, real quotes, no bullshit, with me asking clear questions and getting idiotic answers:

Me: Once we have the appraisal…THEN everything will be all set? No more surprises? What if I pay the money for the appraisal and we’re still turned down? What do we do then?

Response: the value needs to meet value ..

Me: Why didn't anyone realize we needed an appraisal BEFORE we drove down to the lawyers office and took time off of work to attend a non-existant closing?

Repsonse
: program requirement

Me: What if I spend the money for the appraisal and find I'm still denied having my closing costs rolled in?

Response: value

This is not a "bot", I assure you, although it reads like one. This dingbat hasn't made a lick of sense since day one. Even on the phone it's like her mind is somewhere else. I can't determine who her supervisor is, there's no hierarchy listed at the Wells Fargo site, but frankly I find her lack of ability to answer ONE DAMN QUESTION directly troubling.

I'm too deep into this to turn back. 3 months of bullshit and we still can't get this solved. I'm going to try to talk to the underwriter's office directly and go over this stupid bitch's head. I'll have the appraisal and if they DARE tell me afterwards that there's still something else holding things up I'm going to take my story to the local news and make a stink in public. I'll ruining their fucking name. And I'll see to it that this air-head is working in a nail salon before the end of the month. Seriously. Get over yourself and READ MY FUCKING QUESTIONS before firing off some bullshit one word answers. I have a 200 page stack of email coorespondance in front of me and she has never answered a single question I've ever had in a legible manner. She's fucked up my refinance because she had her head up her ass. I always get stuck with these unprofessional jackasses. Can't I just ONCE in my life have things run SMOOTHLY?

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 24th, 2010 10:17 PM   IP              
Went over woman's head. Got the people from PA talking to her supervisor. Fresh start. Gonna get the straight talk now. Have wasted too much time already. Eager to start saving a couple hundred a month on mortgage. Let's roll.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 25th, 2010 09:19 AM   IP              
Lump on incision. Come look at it, mommy.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 28th, 2010 03:10 PM   IP              
Oh, I guess the miscarriage is ancient history already. Sarah is here making all the usual nana/teethers/monkey bullshit noise. I hope her uterus falls out.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 28th, 2010 03:28 PM   IP              
"You smell like pee pee again".


Yep, last 45 minutes of my workday was a complete wash. Thanks, assholes.

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 29th, 2010 10:16 AM   IP              
9:01 ("HELLOOOOOO..." (husband needed help using the dryer))
9:14 ("HELLOOOOOO...")
9:32 ("HELLOOOOOO...")
9:41 ("HELLOOOOOO...")
9:57 ("HELLOOOOOO...")
10:11 ("HELLOOOOOO...")


SHUT THE FUCK UP!



I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 29th, 2010 11:44 AM   IP              
Hot water heater no easy fix. Of course it isn't. Nothing is ever easy for me. Heating Co. say they can’t get the frigging part. I call 800# and talk to Whirlpool. Ass-backwards left-handed treaded part is discontinued. To many class-action lawsuits, I guess. I need a “converter kit”. Being mail to me. Until then I’m an oily mess and dishes are piling up. Money down the toilet again. Just once can something just be a simply routine activity!?!??? Is the house cursed?!? I think it is. We should have stayed at the apartment. We’ll die from Carbona Monoxide in our sleep (a mix of CO2 and egg-based pasta sauce) and this Amityville Horror house will be the culprit.

Why has God forsaken me?!?????? Please let it end, Lord! My July birthday and vacation to the Cape will be spoiled by STRESS.

I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 29th, 2010 11:46 AM   IP              
8 personal phone calls in 3 hours. See a shrink.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 29th, 2010 01:54 PM   IP              
Old bat seems to have endless amount of leeway when it comes to leaving early. I mean, this is the end of our fiscal year and she surely must have expired her time ages ago. Anyway, she’s leaving early again today to “spend a little time with Sara” before she goes in for her first day back at work following the miscarriage. One of her co-workers at the salon has just had a baby and “of course that reminds her of what she just went through”. So la-dee-freakin’-da, she goes moseying on out the door early again. When she is here, she is on the phone or shooting the fat. She is useless. She should retire and spare us. Big announcement: Friday, July 9th she will be brining Liam in for a visit. Well, let me mark that down in the calendar. Seriously what is WRONG with these people? Is there ANY consideration for people trying to work? People standing around me on all sides running their goddamn mouths. Women sobbing because their husband doesn’t have a job. Crying babies. Cooing old bats. And me in the eye of the tornado attempting to write something worthwhile. Same tired stories over and over and over and over and over. Same words, I can move my mouth along with their words, they are so predictable and stupid.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   
Bubba Ho-Tep
God's Lonely Man

Posts: 12405
Registered: Aug 2007
 Posted June 29th, 2010 02:32 PM   IP              
Appraiser coming tomorrow. Will the holes I punched in the wall and the ramshackle piping job I installed in the basement to redirect the condensation drip from the A/C be counted against me? I think yes. And hooray, we have no hot water. Sink full of dishes. Wife full of rage. Says he was told by bank they want results by July 1, so I could not postpone. Can somone come over and show me how to sheetrock the wall? What if I pasted up some wrapping paper or a poster of Mr. T or something? I think we’re doomed. I should have wait until after the appraisal to attack the drip. Now…matters are worse.
I want to be a writer when I grow up. CLICK HERE and humor me!
   



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